Recently
I made a commitment to put more time into picking up a good read and sticking to it. Scott and I made a couple of trips to Half Price Books/Barnes & Noble and began to scour the floors. I was desperately seeking a new read. I was looking for something to capture my heart and just run with it.
Stumbled upon this book, “Braving The Wilderness” by Brene Brown. It was a wonderful book to have in my hands with ending 2019 and walking into 2020. My last post on Instagram, I stated wanting to leave friendships/ connections in my past if they weren’t willing to accept my boundaries and respect my limitations. This book will provide you with some great tools for all of us that need that little extra attention to our wounds.
As Maya Angelou said, “You are only free when you realize you belong no place- you belong every place- no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”
When I first read this, I just couldn’t grasp what she was saying. I continued to read this book and recognized that I had finally come across a being that could resonate with my heart on a daily basis. Have you ever been in a constant battle where you find yourself changing subtle things about you in order to “fit in” or “not stir the pot”? I think we have ALL been there.
It’s been one hell of a road trip walking through life being an outsider and looking for your “crew.” I’m all too familiar with this in every important memory of my life. One of my greatest weaknesses is looking back on past friendships and trying to re-evaluate what I had done wrong that caused our friendship to strain and go “sour”. I never really considered that some friendships just aren’t meant to be “lifetime” friendships. Have you ever felt that way? This piercing to your heart you can’t seem to get rid of. Constantly assessing whether you are the root to the problem.
Listen, I think it’s important to recognize your hurt and work through it rather than use it as a shield and not allow other friendships to flourish. We run to social media for human interaction, that’s what 2017-2019 has been all about. What about the face-to-face interaction? The feeling of joy we receive and connection that feels like fire when we can talk in person for hours? How about laying out new paths and working on developing new skills to tackle those feelings of inadequacy?
I’ve thought long and hard over this as I read over this book. As Scott and I were walking through the bookstore, I turned to him and said, “It would be nice to start a book club with some people. They don’t even have to be women I know, just anyone that is willing to put some time to the side to come together and talk about things that connect us in ways we thought we struggled with alone.”
Scott said I should go ahead and try it, but then fear kicked in. What if, what if I reach out and no one responds? What if I am overthinking that people still get together and do these sorts of things?
I was going against exactly what I had just read. Braving the wilderness is standing alone in what you believe is right and being vulnerable with courage to work through what you fear/desire. Sometimes people will stand with you, and sometimes you will be all alone. But I have a wild heart, and I’m choosing to make this part of my life.
After all, we can only learn what we read if we put it into practice.
Here are a few things I learned:
Boundaries— “You respect my boundaries, and when you’re not clear about what’s okay and not okay, you ask. You’re willing to say no.”
Reliability— “You do what you say you’ll do. This means staying aware of your competencies and are able to deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities.”
Accountability— “You own your own mistakes, apologize, and make amends.”
Vault— “You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share. I need to know that my confidences are kept, and that you’re not sharing with me any information about other people that should be confidential.”
Integrity— “You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. And you choose to practice your values rather than simply professing them.”
Nonjudgment—” I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We can talkami about how we feel without judgment.”
Generosity— “You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others.”
Lastly, if you’re reading this, I hope you feel inspired to stay true to yourself, be part of the wilderness, and hopefully reach out to me and join me for some coffee and good talks over a book possibly?
I look forward to hearing from you all.