In The Unknown of 15 and Pregnant

   Imagine sitting in your mom’s car on the way to school and you’re stopped at a red light. You turn to your mom and quickly tell her you think your pregnant. Um Excuse me?! The look on my mother’s face was a calming look. She stared ahead and said, “okay, let’s go get a pregnancy test.” Well that went much better than what I had anticipated. For the first time in my life I felt that maybe I could actually confide in my mother. We made a quick Target run, immediately coming back home as I walked into the bathroom to take the test. Still no words, signs of anger or frustration from her. Unaware of how to properly use a pregnancy test stick, I was busy reading the back of the box when she walked in and said I just needed to pee on it and it will show me 1 line or 2. I nodded.

   For a brief moment, I felt time had frozen, 1,000 things were racing through my mind. What have I gotten myself into? Have I just ruined my life by being irresponsible? Following the instructions on the back of the box, I waited two minutes to confirm my results, but the reality was that as soon as I peed on the test the second line appeared rather quickly, which was a positive indicator confirming I was in fact pregnant.  I didn’t know what this meant, if that makes any freakin’ sense. As in, where does my life go from here? For the first time after just being silent with no actual emotion, my mother turned over to me and said, “I am so disappointed in you. You have ruined your life.”

   My entire life took a drastic turn. I was lost and in need for some advice and support. This happened almost 13 years ago. I always said that IF I could have a voice to explain what I felt in those moments I would shout it to anyone that was willing to listen.

Are you going through this? Are you currently experiencing this with one of your kids? Can I share my own personal advice with you?

1. If you are disappointed (which I am sure you are) explain WHY you are disappointed, also reminding your child that you are disappointed because you know they have more in store for them; you see so much potential!
2. Be hard, but don’t let “kicking them out to learn a lesson” be a first resort. -My mom’s first move was to send me off to the boy’s mother having me stay there because she wanted to have nothing to do with me. From every aspect, this broke me to pieces. I felt unwanted by my parent, I felt abandoned.
3. ASK QUESTIONS. Why did they seek this person? Why did they choose to give up such a precious treasure to them? What did that person offer to them? Why did they not come to you for advice on such a sensitive subject?
4. Discuss options. Whether that being you believe in keeping the child or having an abortion or adoption. Does your child even know what an abortion is? -My aunt, who by the way is never involved in my life, came out of the blue when she found out I had disgraced the family and immediately told my mother they should take me to get an abortion. The look on my face was, “what is an abortion? Do I have a choice in what I want to do with my baby? I thought my mom is supposed to guide me to make a decision?”

These are all serious, and real questions. The reality of it is that I WISH I had someone there for me, to give advice, to listen to my fears, to tell me there were OPTIONS that existed. As a now parent of three beautiful girls, the best advice I can give is to LISTEN & OBSERVE the signs when your child is trying to tell you something.

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