Tag: commitment

Depression and Weight Gain

I was listening to a Podcast on TedTalks over authenticity. Allowing yourself to be creative rather than attempting to get a higher number of “followers” on social media.

Do you feel as though there is a thin line between the two? Is it possible to seek a lot of followers and also remain authentic?

 

Times have changed and as technology grabs ahold of us and our younger generation, we seem to hop on social media to see how much attention we can grab. But at what point does it change for us OR change us?

 

A while back, I had discussed with a good friend about my dreams of blogging. I explained my fears and that I also felt I had a lot of wisdom to offer others. Although I am still in my 20’s, it seems as though I have gone through more than what the average adult typically does, and that’s OKAY as long as I am using my experiences to better my future.

 

So, let’s get to the topic of discussion for today— DEPRESSION AND WEIGHT GAIN

The daunting words no one ever wants to discuss due to being afraid of getting labeled. And let’s keep it real everyone, once we are labeled as “something” it’s difficult to really not view a person for that any longer. I never struggled with depression until I hit my late 20’s and I felt that something I should have easily accomplished I miserably failed at.

It was a hard pill to swallow and a realization I was not ready to face. I had my 3rddaughter in April of 2019 and almost went down to my “pre-baby” weight soon after. It was in a very UNHEALTHY way as I was struggling with life’s normal curveballs and trying not to have a mental breakdown in nursing school.

After failing my state licensing exam, I cried for almost 3 weeks straight. The idea of doing anything else outside of studying was beyond comprehension. I beat myself up (which I explain in my prior blog post “failing the nclex”) and suddenly felt depression hit me even though I was not willing to recognize it.

When we’re in nursing school we are given all these books over mental health issues. We got out and complete clinical rotations on assessments of patients that may have some mental illness. After gathering all data and implementing a nursing diagnosis, we move onto our next patient. It’s all quite different when it hits you and it hits your home. I suddenly felt that I was not myself. No longer wanting to go to events or even THINK about gathering with all my classmates that had already passed their NCLEX.

 

I stayed clear and I avoided most group chat messages. My husband that loves me dearly would try to console me. Little did I know I was affecting my household with my aura. I ate so much that I ended gaining a good 20lbs. Fearful of what the number on the scale would be, I just avoided it. Reality check for me was when I tried to fit into my favorite blue jeans and I looked down, noticing that I was getting a hole between my thighs from the constant rubbing.

 

Unable to register what was really occurring, I did the best I could to manage. I didn’t’ want to be someone on medication. Who wants to come out and openly admit that they have depression issues and they need help? I sound crazy, right? Being a medical professional myself, I am unable to voice my own concerns.

What did it take? One morning I woke up; looking in the mirror I felt so disgusted with myself. Not just the physical guys, but the internal as well. I strayed from Jesus, I was gaining weight, keeping my pain internal. I knew something had to change. You know what I noticed? I realized I was being the SAME as all these other individuals that HIDE their emotions & only show their “picture perfect” lives. I lost my authenticity. We’re human, we will all struggle; How can I retrieve my authenticity if I am unwilling to open up what I am withholding internally?

 

  1. I chose myself. Making a commitment to be present for myself every day.
  2. Re-evaluated some areas and made sure that I was bringing to LIGHT my inadequacies.
  3. Recognized that the NCLEX is just another test that I WILL pass when MY TIME comes; This test does not determine my level of PASSION for this profession.
  4. I consciously have made a decision to improve my health and speak UP if I need help.
  5. Understand that PRIDE can also be a factor that keeps us at a standstill.
  6. Bring to the surface that darkness I was feeling so I could learn how to tackle this beast with family & friend support.

 

Ladies and Gents, it is hard as hell. BUT it is worth it. Make a commitment to be present for yourself EVERY DAY. Bring to light your internal pain so others can help you GROW through it. Be a voice, so others can see that IT’S OKAY to go through these waves as well and speak about it. Speaking up, using your voice, can save lives.

 

Until Next time, guys.

 

B.Settegast

 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

 

 

 

Misplaced Faith

Have you ever lost track of your faith?

 

I recall those times when I was heavily into reading my bible on a regular basis along with attending church every Sunday. At what point did it change for you?

Attending school while being a mother took a lot of my time and energy. I started to feel the constant demand of everything that I started searching for “things” I could cut off from my normal schedule.

 

At the time, cutting out attending church was the most “logical” to do. My home church I attended was about 35 minutes away from my home. Being a student, I didn’t have the means to constantly fill up my car to make it to bible study and church on Sundays. My thoughts were that “of course you don’t have to attend church to be within God’s word, so I’ll just read my bible on my own.” I did a good job at it, until slowly the time I dedicated to it diminished tremendously. Making excuses for myself, “school & family are taking up most of my time”, soon I was no longer reading my bible & other things filled up my time.

 

Have you ever pulled away from the good Lord’s word and immediately started feeling that disconnection? I don’t know about you, but it took me some time to really figure out that I NEEDED that connection with Jesus.

 

Having gone through an ugly divorce a couple of years back at that time, Jesus & my church people truly paved the way to strengthen my foundation as a newly single mother. I relied on that needed gathering time to be in a room of individuals that struggled with similar situations as I did. Listening to others conquer their fears provided me with hope that the future would be better & brighter.  After I had done some healing, I decided it was time to look for a relationship.

 

Once I had disconnected from the word of God, I noticed I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I came across individuals whose intentions seemed good on the outside, but once I started looking for a deeper connection, our hearts were no longer aligned. It took a good 6 months of trying to work alone in my search that I desperately KNEW I was in need of God’s word & God’s people. I felt that tugging happening to my heart that caused an instant shift in gears.

 

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. “ – Proverbs 3:5-6

 

That’s one of my favorite verses since I was given my very first bible at the age of 18.

 

I stopped searching for love and I let go of the hurt I had endured. Having several conversations with my loved ones and close friends, I knew the right choice was for me to dive into my work and Jesus’s word and let events occur.

 

A few months later, I came across an individual that respected my faith, accepted my current circumstances, & was willing to dive into a deeper stimulating conversation with me. We began dating shortly after, married a year later & had a beautiful baby girl. Many of you probably think, “Wow, that was pretty fast girl!” Truth is, I honestly felt as if I had known him my entire life.

 

Things you could possibly learn from:

 

I had to learn that someone’s faith did not need to be EXACTLY like mine. Sure, having this in common with your significant other can make things easier on your relationship, but as long as they are not trying to pull you away from your faith, I personally think you’re fine. Who knows, you may make an impression on them and get them to start joining you at church!

 

My home church that is far away from me is indeed one of the places that has made me feel so welcomed over the last 4 years. I believe that I may begin looking for another place to call my home that does not require traveling a far distance. It hurts to leave a place that I love, but as a loved one once told me, “The important thing is to be able to consistently get Jesus’s word on a regular basis. And if this church is just too far away causing you to not attend regularly, then you should look into finding another home with more of God’s people.”

At that time, I was in denial of doing so. We are stubborn as humans, but once again I feel God tugging at my heart and as a mother to 3 beautiful, fast growing girls, it’s time that I start recognizing that I should be establishing a foundation for them as well, not just my own selfish needs.

 

So today I leave you with some of my favorite scriptures that always cause me to think. This weekend I will make an attempt to visit a church that is closer to my home. If you’re experiencing similar circumstances, I suggest you grab ahold of that fear that’s driving you away and push it to drive you TOWARDS your next destination.

 

Take care guys. Until next time,

B. Settegast

 

“Be on your guard, stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.” – 1 Corinthians 16:13

 

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” – 2 Corinthians 4:17