Tag: NCLEX

Passing the NCLEX and The Aftermath

Welcome back, guys.

 

It’s been well over a month since I have blogged anything. I’ve sat around putting my thoughts in order. They have felt scattered for the last few months, so it was necessary to take some time to recollect myself. From the moment I agreed to start this blog, I had been working on what was holding me back from many things…PASSING THE NCLEX. After the first experience of failure, I hid in the shadows to continue my work. Possibly due to the amount of embarrassment I felt that I couldn’t pass on my first attempt as everyone else. As you know, if you have read my previous blogs, this situation sent me spiraling downward in my mental and physical health, that caused a lot of strain on my relationships.

Nevertheless, what kept me pushing forward were also those random inspirational messages I received from my followers. Thank you x1000. In the journey to passing, I had to look within and recognize my weaknesses. I worked hard and diligently towards my success. I came out failing, and in weak moments I questioned my ability to become a nurse. How is this possible? People, listen up. Words are POWERFUL. Be careful what you say and when you say it. After my first attempt of taking the NCLEX, I sent many messages crying out in hopes someone would listen to my aching heart. I received words of encouragement, but also messages that had no emotion or they didn’t understand where I was coming from.

 

Someone near and dear to my heart at the time stated that, “Passing the NCLEX was one of the easiest things out of being a nurse.” Can we take a step back? How does this make you feel? Oh guys, this is powerful. I received this sentence in an actual paragraph, and to be VERY honest with you, I don’t remember the rest of what this person said because in my eyes it was all horseshit to cover up what was really on their heart-doubt, frustration, bitterness.

 

I learned to dig deep. These experiences have brought me many lessons. They have opened my eyes to recognize all the individuals that are supportive of my journey and have put into perspective that not everyone is rooting for your success. I took that sense of fear and vulnerability and used it to propel towards my success.

 

This time around, I walked into the NCLEX confident of my abilities. I walked out 3.5 hours later with my test shutting off at 111 questions. 48 hours later I learned I had passed. I checked my results alone while lying in bed. I cried. All my hard work had paid off and I felt that weight lifted off of my shoulders. I made a promise to myself, to help others that need it. To provide words of hope along the way; be a person that I NEEDED in my time of desperation.

 

    What did this journey teach me?

 

  • Passing the NCLEX at 75 questions does not determine how good of a nurse you are. It simply tells you that you have met the requirements to be licensed as a nurse and are a good test-taker.
  • Being hard on myself and working on my weaknesses has given me more knowledge than others around me.
  • Answering questions with confidence instead of fearing that I am incorrect.
  • Most importantly, this test does not determine what type of nurse you will be to patients in need. What your bedside manner will be like, or whether you will put 110% into making sure you bring that person’s heart back from a flat line to give their loved ones a chance to say their goodbyes.

 

 

 

We are all here to learn, and in a profession that is absolutely more populated with women, we should be more supportive of one another. Being so eager to move forward to the next step in our lives, we never take the time to breathe in and enjoy our surroundings. This journey has been a moment of clarity for me. I’ve truly learned that if I want it, I need to get it.

Continue to fight for your hearts desires; receive guidance when needed-continue to have an open mind. Take a step back and celebrate your success. You’ve passed that exam, you’ve gotten your degree. You’ve worked hard for those accomplishments. I’ve been on running mode since I graduated nursing school; it’s all I knew to do. But these little moments of success, smiles, the fear, the growing, you only see every once in a while. Give yourself some credit; take the time to be at a standstill because you WANT TO BE.

 

 We are the shit.

 

Love,

Bianca

 

Depression and Weight Gain

I was listening to a Podcast on TedTalks over authenticity. Allowing yourself to be creative rather than attempting to get a higher number of “followers” on social media.

Do you feel as though there is a thin line between the two? Is it possible to seek a lot of followers and also remain authentic?

 

Times have changed and as technology grabs ahold of us and our younger generation, we seem to hop on social media to see how much attention we can grab. But at what point does it change for us OR change us?

 

A while back, I had discussed with a good friend about my dreams of blogging. I explained my fears and that I also felt I had a lot of wisdom to offer others. Although I am still in my 20’s, it seems as though I have gone through more than what the average adult typically does, and that’s OKAY as long as I am using my experiences to better my future.

 

So, let’s get to the topic of discussion for today— DEPRESSION AND WEIGHT GAIN

The daunting words no one ever wants to discuss due to being afraid of getting labeled. And let’s keep it real everyone, once we are labeled as “something” it’s difficult to really not view a person for that any longer. I never struggled with depression until I hit my late 20’s and I felt that something I should have easily accomplished I miserably failed at.

It was a hard pill to swallow and a realization I was not ready to face. I had my 3rddaughter in April of 2019 and almost went down to my “pre-baby” weight soon after. It was in a very UNHEALTHY way as I was struggling with life’s normal curveballs and trying not to have a mental breakdown in nursing school.

After failing my state licensing exam, I cried for almost 3 weeks straight. The idea of doing anything else outside of studying was beyond comprehension. I beat myself up (which I explain in my prior blog post “failing the nclex”) and suddenly felt depression hit me even though I was not willing to recognize it.

When we’re in nursing school we are given all these books over mental health issues. We got out and complete clinical rotations on assessments of patients that may have some mental illness. After gathering all data and implementing a nursing diagnosis, we move onto our next patient. It’s all quite different when it hits you and it hits your home. I suddenly felt that I was not myself. No longer wanting to go to events or even THINK about gathering with all my classmates that had already passed their NCLEX.

 

I stayed clear and I avoided most group chat messages. My husband that loves me dearly would try to console me. Little did I know I was affecting my household with my aura. I ate so much that I ended gaining a good 20lbs. Fearful of what the number on the scale would be, I just avoided it. Reality check for me was when I tried to fit into my favorite blue jeans and I looked down, noticing that I was getting a hole between my thighs from the constant rubbing.

 

Unable to register what was really occurring, I did the best I could to manage. I didn’t’ want to be someone on medication. Who wants to come out and openly admit that they have depression issues and they need help? I sound crazy, right? Being a medical professional myself, I am unable to voice my own concerns.

What did it take? One morning I woke up; looking in the mirror I felt so disgusted with myself. Not just the physical guys, but the internal as well. I strayed from Jesus, I was gaining weight, keeping my pain internal. I knew something had to change. You know what I noticed? I realized I was being the SAME as all these other individuals that HIDE their emotions & only show their “picture perfect” lives. I lost my authenticity. We’re human, we will all struggle; How can I retrieve my authenticity if I am unwilling to open up what I am withholding internally?

 

  1. I chose myself. Making a commitment to be present for myself every day.
  2. Re-evaluated some areas and made sure that I was bringing to LIGHT my inadequacies.
  3. Recognized that the NCLEX is just another test that I WILL pass when MY TIME comes; This test does not determine my level of PASSION for this profession.
  4. I consciously have made a decision to improve my health and speak UP if I need help.
  5. Understand that PRIDE can also be a factor that keeps us at a standstill.
  6. Bring to the surface that darkness I was feeling so I could learn how to tackle this beast with family & friend support.

 

Ladies and Gents, it is hard as hell. BUT it is worth it. Make a commitment to be present for yourself EVERY DAY. Bring to light your internal pain so others can help you GROW through it. Be a voice, so others can see that IT’S OKAY to go through these waves as well and speak about it. Speaking up, using your voice, can save lives.

 

Until Next time, guys.

 

B.Settegast

 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10